; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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