man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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