So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
