I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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