Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
