this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
