I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
