Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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