the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
