The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
