come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
