I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
