By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
