it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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