maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
