Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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