bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
