So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
