My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
