This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize