You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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