I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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