My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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