Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
