i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
