Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
