I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
