how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
