My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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