Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
