We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
