Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
