Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
