well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
