we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
