Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Just puked most of my soul out..
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
