I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
