new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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