I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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