remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
