Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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