Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
