You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
