She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
