my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize