well I can't set my house on fire every night
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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