On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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