I wish I could punch you in the face.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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