Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize