I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
