Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
