he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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