i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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