Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You are the jesus of drinking
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
