there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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