I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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