brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
