Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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