too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
