Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
