I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
