i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
